Connecting in 2015

On the first Christmas after Mr. Kuda and I married in 2007, we received a package from his godmother: in it, some marriage books, a gorgeous wooden nativity scene, and one silver paper star: Humble was the word. And a reference to Scripture was written below. How apt, that word, humble; a word to focus on throughout our first full year of our marriage.

Don't think I didn't see the irony of our word that year. Brilliant, his godmother.

Each year we have received a randomly chosen word (or two) since then. Peace for the year our daughter was born. Self-control for last year, when we moved twice and had a big house we thought we had to fill. Funny, God and His timing, yes?

For 2015

This year, and the past three months in particular, has been BUSY. Like, can't keep my thoughts straight, fifteen things going on, BUSY. But who isn't? My excuses for not staying in touch and not keeping up with relationships have run out, and I've GOT to come up with a strategy to reign it all in.

Turns out, there are other people like me! When I found #oneword365, I about hit the floor, because, well, we've been doing this for seven years! Something about making it public, though, that must be a way to keep me accountable.

I'm not going to make sweeping declarations of resolutions for the year to come, but I have come up with some ways for me to connect more. Stop and listen more. Be intentional with my relationships more. This word connect has been swimming in my mind for weeks, and I think I'm on the right track. And, so I'm held accountable for my goals, I've come up with some measurable ways (I am a speech pathologist... Goals must be measurable!) to ensure I'm doing my best to connect on a personal level with those around me. Join me, as we...

How in the world are we going to do that? I'm so glad you asked!

Date Night
Married or not, we need to take deliberate time out and be with our people. Can I get an Amen? Whether it's weekly or monthly. Put it in the calendar now, and stick to it! For us? Monthly date night with Mr. Kuda. At least two family movie/game nights per month with the kids. No questions asked.

Respond
* To emails within 24 hours
* Comment on Social Media, not just "like" posts
* Share someone else's thoughts/blog posts/articles at least once per week

I don't know about you, but I so often think things in my head as I skim through my social media feeds, but just zoom past the post. Why not let others know what you're thinking? Especially if it's positive? This is about relationship, friends, and you only get to the good stuff if you're interacting! As much as we'd like to believe it, "liking" is not interacting!

Brain Dump
I've seen folks with check lists and the like, but this is my technical word: Brain Dump. Part of my problem with connecting this year is that I've been so pre-occupied with, well, everything, that I find myself multi-tasking in my brain while interacting with others. This is the opposite of connecting! In fact, it's quite detrimental to relationships. I've done a trial run this week, and I'll tell you what: It works! If something unrelated to my current task or conversation comes up in my mind, I just write it down and revisit it later. I have a sneaking suspicion this will change. my. life. And while we're talking about multi-tasking...

One Task At A Time
Last night I was talking to a friend on the phone, and it happened: I said "uh-huh," which was a completely inappropriate response because she had asked an open-ended question. Good thing she's one of my besties, because she lovingly called me out on it and wasn't at all offended.

Do one thing. One thing at a time. Interrupted? Stop what you're doing, and make eye contact (ear contact?). Period.

Keep Technology Hours
Writing a blog and running my own business require regular access to either my phone or computer. While I love both of these things, I need to be more specific and deliberate in my time spent online. I hereby declare "internet hours," which I will try my best to keep to:
Monday - Friday: 6:00-7:15, 1:00-3:00, 7:00-8:15, Brief Review at 10:00 pm
Saturday: As needed, no more than an hour.
Sunday: Limited. Check of email and Facebook briefly 1-2 times in the day.

Read the Bible in a Year
All right. Maybe this is a bit resolution-esque, but it's something I know I can do, and one of my people is doing it with me :D  Nothing like a little accountability to keep you going, right? And this: Nothing in this world, your spouse, your children, your career, is more important than your personal and daily relationship with Jesus. Aligning your thoughts with His allows His plans for you to intercede and infiltrate your life. Without daily Bible reading, it's next to impossible to gain this relationship!

I'll end with this...

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord,

"Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

Jeremiah 29:11-13

It's not necessarily what God is going to do for us. It's about relationship: about us plainly and humbly going to Him. Seeking Him with all our hearts and, as a result, going forward in plans aligned with Him.

Happy 2015, friends! May this new year be full of change, excitement, and relationship! How will you connect in 2015??

xoxo, k.

Want to stay connected with me this year?? Go on up to the top right of my page, and enter your email address to get every post in your inbox! Easy peasy!

Sharing with the New Year's Resolutions Link Up! Pop on over for some GREAT goals and resolutions for 2015!

Perspective: Giving Thanks {Three}

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It started with Mr. C. I really hate to put blame on any one person, especially my son, but it's true: His inability to sleep got the ball rolling.

Just over two years ago, eight weeks into his little life, one thing became quite apparent: He was not a good sleeper. The less he slept, the more I felt the walls of our two bedroom duplex crowd around us. Poor Miss E dealt with the consequences of waking up every two or so hours each night very well, better than any two year old should be asked. But by the end of 2012, it was very clear that our current living situation would not work.

Or at least, that's what I had convinced myself to believe.

Over the next eight months, I obsessed over "the new house." Whatever that meant. In my mind, the notion of the new house solved all of my problems. Somehow I had been lured into the sentiment that, because we would be able to put the kiddos in separate rooms, I would get more sleep. Somehow giving the kids their own rooms morphed into more sleep for me, which meant more happiness for me, which meant I would have more energy to be the best mom ever, which meant I would be the best wife ever, which meant...

Do you see where I went there?

The thing about thankfulness, is that it often has no merit unless given the proper perspective. My perspective was so warped by the time we moved to the rental house in August of 2013, I had forgotten the original source of it all. Deep down (somewhere), I knew the real reasons for moving: so we could have a simpler life, so I could continue to stay home with the kids, to offer them the life that we wanted them to have. But the appreciation for what we had already had all but slipped through my well-rested fingers, and I felt lost.

Loss for friendships, loss for familiarity, loss for my true identity.

Slowly, but surely, I climbed my way out of the hole that I had dug. What helped me?

Thankfulness. In the every day, boring minutiae of the wash, rinse, repeat life I had come to know.

I miss my friends.
God, thank you for those enduring friendships. Thank you for the joy I had each time we were together, and thank you for giving me courage to meet new friends and pursue deep relationships. Because of those women, I know what true friendship is.

I'm lonely.
Thank you for my husband, Lord. Thank you for the comic relief he gives me every day, and the companionship You know I need. Thank you for the joy he gives to our family day in and day out.

Our house isn't what I want it to be.
Thank you for warmth, and a roof over our heads. Thank you for all of your provisions as our house was built. Thank you for a yard our children can safely play in. 

I miss being around adults during the day, and being the only one who can fulfill their needs just wears. me. down.
Thank you for a dedicated husband and the wonderful job he has so that I can stay home during these young years in our children's lives. 

Thank you, God,  for being the only One who can fulfill our needs. And not the needs we think we ought to have, but the needs you know we must have. Like joy. And peace. And contentment.

And you see what I did there? Perspective.

Feeling discontent? Find thanks in it. Even if it's small. Even if it's hard. You'll be amazed at the outcome, and I promise you this: you will find joy even in the smallest of things.

xoxo, k.

Hooking up with some amazing inspiration on this Monday! Head on over!

Day 7: Drain and Re-Spin

Yesterday, in the standards of playing princess and doctor while making sure I'm not overrun by dog hair and dust, it was a pretty good day. The kids let me clean the kitchen as they diagnosed and treated "silly-belly-itis," we used a lazy Monday as an excuse to stay in pj's until 11 am, and said kiddos were being quite sweet and helpful to one another, and to me. Win.

And then.

As I started taking clothes out of the wash, I noticed that they seemed rather... wet. Absentmindedly, I reset the load to "Drain and Spin," anticipating that it would do just that.

So when I came down to check in with the load after the kids had settled nicely into quiet time, I hadn't really prepared for a machine full of water. With my clothes in it. The ones I needed to wear.

The next hour was a blur of me problem shooting with the washer people (lovely that they are, they had no explanation), and eventually scheduling a repair man. We somehow got out of the house to run our errands, which included my sweet girl's ballet class.

We dropped the library books, got the gas, and pulled up to ballet with myself feeling quite satisfied how I had handled everything. Even Miss E's bun looked pretty darn good (if I do say so). But as I turned to my little ballerina to talk about her upcoming class, reality hit: We hadn't grabbed her ballet bag. We had no shoes. No ballet belt. Nothing.

As this realization hit, Mr. C groggily woke, looked at me with tears on the brink, and signed for milk. We had no milk. We had no milk and no ballet stuff, and the weight of the slurry of the afternoon hit me like a ton of bricks. I hung my head trying not to show my face red hot with anger.

"It's ok, mommy. Just pray."

With those five words, the red drained from my face, and my world spun right around. I looked at that sweet little thing, and she was right. And she was watching my every move.

I think we've made it clear that no one is immune from imperfection. Thank God. So I did what she told me. I prayed aloud for peace in the stress and rush of the afternoon. I prayed for Miss E to enjoy her time in class, despite not having shoes. I prayed for Mr. C to have patience with his momma, and to embrace the hour we had just the two of us. Because they're watching. They need to see what my faith looks like, even when it's a little messy and things aren't going my way.

As "Amen" came across my lips, Miss E looked at me and declared, "That's great mommy. Let's go to ballet! I think we just need to ask Miss Emily if it's ok if I barefoot in class."

She uses barefoot as a verb, as in "I love to barefoot outside on the sidewalk." It's one of my favorites.

Here's my point: Sometimes days are undoubtedly hard. Sometimes they're not. Sometimes we almost have it all together, and then we watch things spin out of control. When that happens, stop. Breathe. You're only a prayer away from getting it all back together. Did we fix the problem? No, but thanks to my mighty three year old, we gained new perspective. If you can't see past it, look for a new perspective. It's there, and it will change your outlook. I promise.

xoxo, k.