"She has her hands full. She is so busy. I'm sure she doesn't have time for me."
She's gorgeous, has a loving husband, and just a beautiful family. She's a Godly woman, smart and well read, and seems to find time in her day to do things that I only wish I could do. Like sew a dress from scratch and wear it that very same day.
Who does that?
I had the thought to invite her to our small group on Tuesday nights, and those words popped in: "She has her hands full. She is so busy. I'm sure she doesn't have time for me." In the span of 30 seconds, I reduced an acquaintance's own feelings into negative feelings toward myself. I had made her busyness about me! Doing so not only disallowed me to build a deeper relationship with someone whom I could very likely have a great friendship, but it completely eliminated her opinion on the matter.
In effect, I took her rights away, before our friendship began.
Have you been on the other side of this? When I was working full time after our first child, I heard it spoken to me a lot: You're so busy with work and Miss E, otherwise I would have called you over! Or You must be exhausted! You should just rest when you have some down time.
Each time I heard it spoken aloud, my soul was crushed. Was I not good enough? Was I not allowed time with other women because I was too busy? Who gets to decide that?
The thing about deciding another's fate is that we simply don't have that right. We belittle others, thinking we have their best interest at heart, but in reality, we just don't know how other people are getting by.
Invite her over. Say hello with a smile. Usher in a cup of coffee and sit down. Ask questions. We can't truly live in community with one another if we don't take risks, putting ourselves out there. Only then can we dig down deep and find each other right where we are. Newly sewn dress and all.
Stay tuned for Part Two of "Your People" for Day 29! In the mean time, get out there and know people!
xoxo, k.
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