What I learned from not having Facebook for 40 days (and what I'm going to do about it)

When I gave up Facebook for Lent, I got a little backtalk from some friends saying it wasn't enough, and others saying that it was a little silly. Who gives up Facebook only? Social media? Yes. But just Facebook?

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Well, for the first week, my thumb automatically went to where Facebook was on my smart phone. Every. Single. Time. Which, when trying to stay away from FB, was kind of annoying, but then SO SO convicting. Why is that my automatic response to boredom? To sitting at a stoplight? To not remembering what I came in the room for?

Not OK.

The only thing I needed FB for was for MOPS notifications, as that is their primary source of communication, and it turns out that I really did need to check it for this case. I also received a few messages (not my wall, but my inbox) that were time sensitive, so I did respond to those.

What I realized a few weeks in was that, while I was still curious what my high school and college friends were up to, especially the ones who I've reconnected with more intimately since the onslaught of all the Facebook-y-ness, I kind of got over it.

By week three, I had deleted the app from my phone. Gonzo. It was still an (intermittent) habit to press the button, and I was finding that I was much more purposeful, and not as prone to cheating, when I went to check notifications and/or messages on my computer. Why? Because toddlers/preschoolers are a lot more difficult to control when they're trying to press computer buttons vs. me holding my phone. And? I can't check my computer while sitting in the Target parking lot.

And now that I'm looking back, I can see clearly the much wasted time spent perusing my newsfeed. I've read A LOT MORE. Like a couple of books. And I've found new blogs. Really great blogs. So I'm feeding my soul and my brain, and while I really care about those who post on FB, my time is better spent doing other things.

This is not to say I'm giving up the 'ole social media king for good. Oh heavens no. I do miss it. But I'm not putting it back on my phone. I will limit it to only once a day, if that. And I will resume posting my blog posts there, as it's where I get a good chunk of my readers.

Why post this a whole week after Easter, and my Facebook ban, ended? Because I still can't get back on the FB wagon. I've tried. I've really tried! I really thought that once Easter came around, I would go back to perusing each morning and night, with little intermittent check-ins waiting for Preschool pickup. But I can't force myself to sit and go through my newsfeed AT ALL. Which is weird, because I love it. I just can't. get. through. it.

What I will say, though, is that now that Mr. FB is gone from my phone, I actually spend MUCH LESS TIME on my phone in general. Like a lot. As in, unless I get some quiet time in the morning before the kiddos are up, I'm not checking my email or anything until at least nap time. And sometimes not until bedtime.

Which, let's be honest, doesn't that just make sense?

So, what now? Nothing. I'm going to continue on this new path and see where it takes me. I've written so much more, read so much more, and actually spent more quality time with my children. I can't really see any reason to go back to my old ways, so I'm just going to keep the course I'm on.

Until next time,

Mrs. Kuda

The Whole Truth and Nothing But the Truth

March 5, 2014
Ash Wednesday

I'm not really sure where to start.

The past ten months have been... Busy. Overwhelming. Life-changing. But not in the major life-changing way you might think.

Well, we moved. And built a house. And moved again. And I might have lost a smidgen of my sanity in the process. So maybe it was a major life-changing way you might think. Major.

But here I am. About to go on a limb. I'm about to jump into a place I'm not sure quite where I'll land. I am changed, and in order to continue with my blog I must be transparent.

God told me that we needed to move. And He told me where to go. I have never experienced anything like it. And I was scared to tell anyone. At least anyone who didn't know I believed in God or Jesus Christ. Scared.

Sweaty-palmed, shaking knees, SCARED.

Why? Because some of my friends don't know this about me. That I love the Lord and try to follow, usually quite poorly, in His ways. They might think that I've lost myself, that I've become "judgy" or "preachy," and that I'm not the same Mrs. Kuda that always was. And isn't that sad? My heart has been broken over this, because if they are my friends, won't they love me regardless?

Of course. My one true desire in my life has been for others to see Him in me. It has become glaringly clear that will never happen if I keep hidden the desires of my heart and the true way I want to live from at least half of the people I  know and love! What good is it then?

So before you think I've gone crazy and I'm now receiving messages from the Almighty from high above, let me explain my story...

You know the little feeling you get deep down inside? The one that some call your instinct, or your gut? For me, that's God. And if I don't act on something, and He really wants me to go through with something, that nagging, gut-wrenching feeling doesn't go away. He continues to open door after door after door, leading me to where I know I'm supposed to go. Sometimes I follow it, and sometimes I don't.

What happened to me last year began as a small stirring. We had a 2 year old, and a 3 month old in a small house. We had decided that it was best for me to stay home with the kids, but the reality was that our time was short in our very expensive neighborhood; there was no way we could survive on one income while living the life we were living. Something had to change.

It felt like we looked all over the Eastern Seaboard. Nothing felt right. Until one Sunday morning in April of last year we decided to go to church in a town an hour south of us. How random is that? Our family, who goes to church  maybe once or twice a month, got up on a Sunday, and trucked it down to a random town in the middle of Virginia. All on a "gut" feeling.

And when we got there? Mr. Kuda and I somehow knew it was right for our family. And I can't tell you why, but we made an appointment the next weekend to look at houses. And the next weekend. Each time we went back to visit, the vision of where we were supposed to be became crystal clear. Though we weren't sure of the specific whys of where we were headed, by the end of May we had committed to BUILDING A HOUSE on almost three acres in the middle of nowhere. By August, we had sold our first home as a married couple and moved away from everything we knew in Northern Virginia: our wonderful neighborhood, convenience to a big city, and most importantly, friends who had become family.

Some of you may be thinking, "Kristin. It's an hour south. How different can it be?" Well, if you know Northern Virginia, you know that it may as well be its own nation. It is NOT like the rest of Virginia. At all. More on that another time.

So there I was, with my husband traveling up to the big city for work, me in a rental house with the kids, and in a neighborhood with no other stay at home moms, and God began to work. Despite not knowing a soul in our new town, He began to put people in our lives so we could move on and get our new lives started. I met a random woman in a park who has a house in the neighborhood where we were building. She was also part of a mom's group and has two girls around my kids ages. I joined the mom's group, and in turn found friends, a preschool for Miss E, and countless other ways to keep my sanity. Just about every person we've met has been kind, welcoming, and an answer to every prayer I've prayed over the course of this last year.

All because I listened. I'm sitting here in this amazing house. This amazing gift. The even bigger gift is that I am now able to stay at home with our kids; something I never thought I'd be able to for any length of time, or even really want to do. But here we are: a place I never thought we'd be. If I just accept this gift, and do nothing with it? If receiving this gift does nothing but give me a house and a few years at home with the kids? Isn't life more about the house you live in, your two cars and two children? What if there's more? What if this is beyond you and me, and there is a greater purpose to all of this?

Writing in this blog has always been an outlet for me. I'm not sure why, but during the past year, the other thing I felt led to do was to stop blogging. It was hard... I missed it. I had reached 100 followers! (side note: I am aware that that is pretty much nothing in the blog world, but to me, it was the world! I felt so cool!) But it wasn't true. And if it's not me being me, then why should I share anything at all?

That feeling deep down? It started up again after we were here a few months. It was time to start sharing again; there are stories that need to be told. But if you don't know the me, the real me, then what would be the point of it all? I'd be constantly editing myself and my true beliefs, and that's not real writing. There's no juicy goodness in that.

That leads me to my scared place. This post has been floating in my head for months, but I've been too afraid to write it. Too afraid to say out loud what's been going on inside my head. Too afraid that I'll alienate those I love, offend someone, and more, just putting myself in a vulnerable space I've never been is terrifying. But these stories of my life, of our lives needs to be told. Even if it's just for me to get over my fear of showing my true identity in Christ.

Ah! I just said it! My true identity in Christ. Typing it makes my palms sweat! Because that's where I sit today. My true self lies within Him and the ultimate sacrifice He made for me when He was crucified on the cross. And if He did that for me, and you, and everyone around us, can't I just write a little blog post about my true self? Seems simple, but given the courage I've needed (and lacked) for the better part of 6 months, maybe not so much.

Will you stay with me on this new adventure? Who knows where we'll end up! (Please don't say in another town in some random middle of nowhere state... My heart can't take it again this year!)

Until next time,

Mrs. Kuda

Hello, April! (And farewell, too, since I guess you're almost over. How'd that happen?)

I've been a little absent for the past month, mostly just because I didn't really notice April had come, and now it's almost gone.

To quote one of Miss E's (current) favorite books right now, "Hubba-What?!?" I know. I can't believe April's almost over either.

To catch you up to speed, I thought I'd do a little, well, catching up. We've had visitors and Easter and more visitors.  There've been some sick days and teething, but mostly warm days where it just wasn't possible to spend a moment inside.

Tot School has gone somewhat off the radar. The thought has been there, and Miss E has been learning SO much, but I just haven't had the time to begin to prepare for any sort of structured activities. This week has been better, so you'll just have to stay tuned for next week's update :)

On to April. Well, rather spring. There was actually a point in time when I didn't think it would ever come. And it's here! It's really, really here! Green pollen and everything!

Daffodils = Spring!

Easter was SO. MUCH. FUN. this year. Seriously. I think during Christmastime, Miss E was still just a smidge young to really get into the magic of it all. But Easter? She loved it!

Not the best quality picture, but I just love the look on her face.
She was so excited to get her Easter basket!

A great friend of ours gave Miss E this giant Easter egg last year, and I decided to keep it for this year. So happy I did! You know what a giant Easter egg holds? MANY SMALLER EASTER EGGS! Honestly this could have been what we did every day and Miss E would have been in heaven. It also led to some really nice Tot School moments, even though they weren't planned.

In addition opening and closing each and every egg a gazillion times, we played a matching game with them. I just found some trinkets in Mr. Kuda's desk drawer to hide under each half. She loved it!

We made cards for the grandparents...

We went up to a sweet little farm where they have an annual Bunnyland Festival. There weren't any bunnies, but lots of sweet activities for the kiddos. Since Miss E is TERRIFIED of live animals other than her dog, I think her favorite part was the playground. Despite this, we had a great time with all of our friends, and it even included a stop on the way to Chick-Fil-A. In my opinion, any day with C of A cannot be bad!

Did I mention it was frigid during the week of Easter?

Poor guy. He's always there, but never enough pictures of his sweet face.

She'll kill me for this one day, but how stinking cute?!

We even had a great Easter egg hunt with the neighborhood kids the day after Easter because we had a rainy Sunday. Miss E loved this because it was like Christmas two days in a row. There were jelly beans! She couldn't believe I was actually letting her eat (some of) them.

So that was Easter! I know it didn't fall in April this year, but it may as well have. Here's a tidbit more of what we've done so far...

We visited the Cherry Blossoms in DC.

Gran came for a visit...

We even discovered some nature (with chosen walking stick, of course)...

And we got to hang out with some old friends...

I love this picture for So. Many. Reasons.

I think it's safe to say we've had a successful spring so far! I'm so excited for this summer to get under way. Here's praying for more sleep, no sick, and lots of fun in the upcoming months!

Until next time,

Mrs. Kuda