I Talk Too Much.

Remember my chains.

I spent a few minutes in Colossians this morning. In brief, Paul is in prison, and he is writing with joy to a people who had encountered heretical teachings encouraging them to stay the straight path with fervor.

Y'all. He is in prison. With joy. AGAIN.

His last words to the Colossians are, "Remember my chains." In other words, "Y'all better not forget about me here! I know it's bad, but I'm in prison and still spreading the Gospel with JOY. Keep it going, people!"

I'm not quite sure that's exactly how he meant it, but in my head, that's how it goes down.

What in the world does this have to do with me talking too much? And more importantly, where do you come in? Let me take you back a few (five, to be exact) months...

**

May 2015: The last time I wrote (within this medium). You've noticed the radio silence, yes? Looking back at a few of my last posts, I can't help but notice: I talk too darned much.

Yes, I know that's kind of the point as a writer. I'm supposed to engage you, the reader, and enlighten you in new ways and introduce familiar concepts with a fresh eye. I'm supposed to inspire you to find new perspective or maybe even enrage you so you feel stronger than you ever have before.

But I talked and talked until my face turned blue about following your calling, obeying God's will for your life, and rid yourself of the unsettling feeling of not living up to your potential. But while I feel I provided you with sound advice, I stopped short of my promise. I didn't follow through, nor did I follow my own path.

Our dear friend Paul, in his sweet letter to the Colossians, also says this:

Work willingly at whatever you do as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ. (3:23-24 NLT)

I guess this is an apology of sorts. For Talking the Talk, but not Walking the Walk. For painting a picture of what obedience looks like, but not living it myself. And I have no excuse but for the chains that bind me: fear.

The thing about fear is that it's a slow, yet sudden take-over. The swirl of smoke is almost pleasant until you realize it's blazing out of control and has consumed all that surrounds it. So while I continued receive confirmation that The Incredible K be a platform of encouragement, faith, and a little home-y goodness (add in a splash of my cute kiddos), the more I felt as if my words would have no impact. Worse, the more those around me urged me to continue, the more I felt I wasn't equipped to share God's plan for me. For you.

And guess what?

I'm not.

Equipped, that is. But neither are you. Most grand gestures have the greatest impact when they're a step out in faith; a belief in the unknown, but just knowing it's right. The thing is, God has given us each unique gifts to fulfill His glory-filled plan. And when our plans align with His will, we need not be "prepared" in the classical sense, but to openly follow what we know He has called us to do. As Paul says, we are to work willingly at whatever we do as though we were working for the Lord Himself (paraphrased). We're not to work in His glory as a means to an earthly ends, nor are we to work to please the people around us. Serve them? Yes. Please them? No.

Do you feel the needling in the back of your mind? The one that says, "YES! That's it! That's where you're supposed to be!" Is it confirmed often, but you haven't yet taken the steps? THAT is what I'm talking about. When ten different people ask me why I haven't written in a while, then three different friends forward me an email about an upcoming writer's conference, and then I participate in a workshop to determine my God-breathed gifts in my life and WRITING comes up number one? That's it. That's where I'm supposed to be. My lack of follow through despite God-given directives has directly resulted in the uneasy, restless feeling I've had this year, my year of CONNECT. Because I just simply haven't.

What it is for you? What keeps you up at night and gets your heart racing? Come with me. Come as I unabashedly write from the heart, reach out to others, and fulfill the call in my life at this moment in time with joy. And you do the same. Follow that small voice. The Holy Spirit is strong, and He confirms your gifts. Come with me.

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. 

Ephesians 2:10

xoxo, K.

When Actions and Passions Meet

Every week, a whole heap of fabulous women get together and bravely write for Five Minute Friday: five minutes of writing without thinking, without planning. Just the sweet written word through the clicks of the keys, or the pen on the page. Today's prompt is... Meet

Go.

You've been there (Oh, please tell me you've been there!), when you've been moving through the motions, but your actions and heart songs don't meet anywhere on the same playing field. And when this happens, when your life looks nothing like the passions resounding deep inside your soul, you wake up one day to find yourself floundering among the masses, unsure of how you got there and questioning how to return.

Returning to the basics almost makes you cry, because the "what I want to be when I grow up..." is such a distant and blurry memory, you hardly recognize the one you were so long ago.

But what if I told you this: that if you give yourself the chance to truly dig deep, to truly look around you, and to give yourself the chance, you could have those things. The things that make your heart pitta-pat and the things that make you move and sway, so your life begins to take shape in a way where actions meet your passions.

What if I told you it was directly related to obedience to your calling, and that the longer you ignore it, the more restless you feel: dangling on the edge of something mediocre, wondering when your life will mesh with your dreams?

Stop.

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you,

Lord, my rock and my Redeemer.

Psalm 19:14

Oh, #FMF how you tease! So thankful for this community of beautiful writers, following their pen each week, even when the words are slow to come. Hope you have a great weekend!

xoxo, k.

My Wrestling Place

I recently took a bit of a respite trip to a magical place where peace is woven in and out of the fibers of the walls. Where God resides in the hearts of all who enter, and where I rediscovered my life-giving gifts from our Father Almighty. Thank you for letting me reflect on those days in this space.

I'm not where I thought I would be.

Mother? Yes.

Wife? Yes.

Friend? Daughter? Neighbor? Yes. All of those things.

What I didn't expect was this floundering of my soul; this anticipation of being great, or accomplishing something amazing, and then waking up every morning to find that the earth hasn't shattered because of the accomplishments in my life. I didn't change the world today. Nobody noticed my completed tasks. Each morning the sun comes up, and I find myself on repeat. Nothing changed. Same routine.

And that's the problem: my childhood perceptions of what my life should be are so far from where I have ended up. It's not necessarily that I had some grand vision of what it would look like, but rather, what it would feel like.

Kristin Kuda. Mid-life crisis at the age of 34.

It comes down to feeling so small and insignificant in this world -- a world filled with evil and pain and heartache -- that I have such a hard time recognizing my worth. The enormity of these things take over, and those roles as mother, wife, friend, daughter? Well, they just don't seem as big...

Because the hillside I'm overlooking is grand, and the thunder of pouring rain consumes my every thought.  Our Holy Father is revealed in every living and breathing thing around me, and my enemy sneaks into the ripples of water coursing down the roof as he whispers, "You'll never be as significant as these things."

I believe him, because the monotony of my life feels like nothing close to the glorious sound of rain and birds and earth surrounding me. And right before I am wholly consumed by it all -- the nothingness and monotony and the insignificance -- a breeze blows from the West and I hear His call:

Peace be with you.

Peace be with you.

He says it twice because I didn't believe it the first time. He says it twice because I am but flesh and bone and broken and sinful. I believed the enemy when he told me I didn't matter, and I believed the enemy when he said my purpose wasn't God-breathed. And I believed him when he told me my soul was impure and would never truly be forgiven.

But, God.

But God is faithful and just and will forgive our sins and cleanse us from every wrong doing. (1 John 1:8-9)

But, God.

But God has made a covenant with us and has put His laws in our hearts, and has written them in our minds. (Heb 10:15-16)

But, God.

But God has given me a Spirit not of timidity, but of power, and of love, and of self-discipline. (2 Tim 1:7)

So, instead of feeling small, and unworthy and insignificant in this large, all consuming world, I will cling to the prayer Paul blessed upon us:

...that your love may increase ever more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, to discern what is of value, so that you may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes to you through Jesus Christ, for the glory and praise of God. (Phil 1:9-11)

Faith is a confidence in God that persists, even when the questions remain unanswered.

Faith trusts God even when circumstances seem to contradict His promises.

Faith rests firmly on the knowledge that God is faithful and His promises are True. God asks only for our obedience and faithfulness to assure our usefulness in our own period of history. In this, He gives us freedom to act on our life-giving gifts, freedom to see the beauty in the mundane, freedom to live our lives fully, regardless of our preconceived notions and idyllic plans.

I see now: the beauty of it all, the power of normal, and the beauty in routine.

xoxo, K.

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Sharing with all the ladies on this Monday! Check out some beautiful writing here.

Week 4: God Does Not Resent You

God Does Not Resent You

The first time I read those words, they hit me over the head like a ton of bricks. And even though it was two weeks ago, they continue to resonate like a sounding gong over and over and over again.

God Does Not Resent You

The people pleaser that I am, I don't like making a stink about things, or really being much of a bother to anyone. Apparently this translates to all things divine as well. I'm a self-righteous God-pleaser, and I'd hate to bother Him for anything, really, so sometimes I just keep my brain quiet, as to not disturb Him in all of His business.

There was a time in my life that I don't like to think about. So many great things happened during that time, but one part of me kept my heart in a state of unrest: my ignoring the gentle tugs of the Lord's call. He would whisper, Come to me and I will give you peace, and I responded with the equivalent of sticking my fingers in my ears and singing, "LA LA LA LA" as loud as I could. I didn't want to hear about His mercy. His peace. His forgiveness. His redemption.

Why? It wasn't as if I didn't believe He was there. I am fortunate enough to have known about God's presence for most of my life. But the thoughts in my head sang the tune of, I'm just not that important. I don't want to be a bother. My troubles aren't big enough. Just little 'ol me. Nothing to see here.

It's funny, looking back on those few years of my life, and I'm able to see His hand in all of it. Without my asking, He placed me in the safety of His arms, saving me from myself and my self-destructive behavior. He knew how the story would twist and turn, with my eyes slowly changing direction and refocusing on His grace and forgiveness. Even though I blatantly and purposefully ignored Him while claiming just not wanting to be a bother, He actively pursued me and my heart. He slowly showed me what true acceptance of His love meant.

The thing about God? He doesn't care where you live, or what you've done. He actively seeks each of us as individuals. Despite war and famine and poverty, and all of the things that seem significantly more than little old you, He still cares. And He'll still pursue your heart. Because He wants you to pursue His. God shows us this perfect way to live, because he wants us to live in Him fully so we can show love and kindness to others despite their place in life.

Those years ago I think, despite my child-like response to His call, deep down I knew the Truth. I knew there was spiritual warfare taking place for my soul specifically. And He went (and goes) up to bat for me every. single. time. He let me fail, and learn, and grow. But He never left.

Because Christ always wins.

No matter your past. No matter your present. No matter your wrongs. No matter your actions. He does not resent you asking for help. He does not resent you for seeking His guidance. He does not resent you for constantly pleading for His hand in your life.

God wants you. All of you.

xoxo, k.


Today's post was inspired by the completion of my small group's study of Beth Moore's Children of the Day. Go read it. Right now. No compensations here, just spreading some good 'ole love.

Need some more inspiration this Monday? Head on over here to enjoy some other courageous writers!

http://www.blessedbutstressed.com/2015/01/26/follow-god-not-fellow-christians/

Good Enough. Again.

Because the message bears repeating, and I still can't grasp the concept. Because even when I think I'm finished with this very message, my sweet new friend texts me and says, "I just expect too much from myself. And then I fail. Thank you for sharing your experiences and love for God."

She sees my love for God. She may be just one, but she sees it.

And as the tears rolled down my cheeks at the poignancy of her words, it hit me. Last night, I sat for more than five minutes for the first time since 6 am, and couldn't slow my mind enough to enjoy the moment of quiet bodies asleep upstairs. Surely I should be doing something. There's so much to be done. And then the list of a thousand to do's pops into my head, and I had to reread what I just read on my phone and rewind the show I was watching.

Why do we do this to ourselves? Somehow I've persuaded my thoughts to tell my "stay at home mom" self I don't have any excuse but to be busy all. the. time. Because if I'm staying at home, the judgment police will show up on the doorstep of my mind revealing my worth to be solely measured in house chores completed, baths given, and pinterest projects conquered.

Because I feel like if I'm not 100% to all the people, then I'm nothing at all to anyone. 

Somehow we've convinced ourselves, that at home or not, children or not, married or not, that we're just not ever going to measure up. And I don't know about you, but when I get to that point? I just stop. I freeze. Because I can't move any further into that place, but I can't turn myself around either. I know it's destructive, but I can't seem to get out of it. We've been told these things so often that it has crept into the cracks of our souls and we just can't seem to come up for air to see the Truth that lies ahead.

What if I told you that these are lies and there's a Truth so big and so important, that it could change your life? What if it meant that you're good enough, and the you  you are at this very moment is meant for a greater purpose? That the hard moments you feel you've failed the most were placed there to bear the burdens of others around you? To show others that we're all in it together?

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

Ephesians 2:10

What a beautiful picture. Changes your perspective, yes? To be God's workmanship. Just as the sun and the moon and the stars. He wouldn't have it any other way, the way you do your life. The way you throw yourself into house chores by night and into your children's lives or your corporate job or your marriage by day.

This work that we do. We are called to it. And the beauty of it all is this: We aren't in it alone. If anything, there is One who is there behind the intricacies and details of every move we make.

You know what that gives me?  

Peace. 

Comfort. 

Joy.

You are good enough. And so much more.

xoxo, k.

Day 23: Strong

Have you had a Chick-Fil-A kids meal lately? No? Let me welcome you to my world!

Right now they have a little doodad of a toy that kind of resembles one of those circular toys where you pulled the arm down, and an arrow spun, and it made a farm animal noise or some sort of song. Anyways, the CFA toy is a miniature version of that, except that an adjective pops up when you pull the lever, and you're supposed to find something in the room that fits the description.

They "easy" side has colors and a few other concrete choices. The "not so easy" side is a little more complex, but surprisingly (or maybe not, knowing her propensity for a ridiculous vocabulary at the age of 3, almost 4 years old), Miss E was obsessed and loves, loves, loves this game.

Two words came up that made me wonder what she might say: funny and strong.

Maybe because I want to think I'm funny, and I want to think I'm strong, but sometimes I let myself think that I'm always falling short. Thank you, Chick-Fil-A, for our deep thought of yesterday afternoon.

Strong? Not so easy...

The three year old didn't point to momma or brother or daddy when the word was strong popped up in the window, she pointed to herself. When I asked her what it means, to be strong, she said, "I don't really know. I just am." And then she made her muscles with her arms and said, "ARGGGH!"

Both times, she pointed to herself. Because she is strong and mighty and brave. And hilarious. She doesn't have the life experience (thank God) of the Enemy seeping into the small crevices of her mind to tell her otherwise. She knows God says that she is loved, that she's protected, that she's an incredible work of art (Ephesians 2:10) and she believes Him.

So why don't we?

Here's a few little reminders on this cool Thursday morning, just to get your blood moving and your mind headed in the right direction as you start your day:

You are a child of God. 

Galatians 3:26

You are greatly loved. 

Romans 5:8

You will not be condemned by God.  

Romans 8:1

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You are wise, righteous, sanctified, and redeemed. 

1 Corinthians 1:30

Your body is a temple. 

1 Corinthians 6:19

You are free in Christ. 

Galatians 5:1

You are chosen, blameless and holy before God. 

Ephesians 1:4

You are complete in Christ. 

Colossians 2:10

Hope y'all have a fantastic day!

xoxo, k.

Day 22: You Aren't Good Enough

As I continue to stare at the title of this post, I start to believe it. It becomes real for me, and then the seeds of doubt and inability and yuckiness of it all come together in this giant heap of a mess that is me, and the words jump at me, growing infinitely larger:

You Are Not Good Enough

We know about the beast of perfectionism, and how its goal is never-ending and, with that, never attainable. But this is something more. This is something that is spoon fed to us from the day of our birth. It's shown to us in news feeds of perfect families without a care in the world, it's shown to us in every commercial ever made, and it's even present in our daily interaction with teachers, friends, family.

I'm going to put this out there, just so you know how this story ends. You are, in fact, GOOD ENOUGH. Always. We've talked about perspective around this joint, and that, my friends, is what it comes down to. Even still, I think it's time we revisit how we view ourselves. If we can't change the perspective we have of ourselves, how can we embolden others around us?

When this is spoken to me, "Hey Kristin, next time you do this, do you mind doing y instead of x?" I hear instead, "Hey Kristin, you've done a horribly terrible job. Do you mind never trying to do anything of worth again? And in the meantime? Just know that everyone does a better job than you."

Wait, what? Maybe that's taking it to the extreme, but in this season of changing diapers and always being someone else's need, maybe I just feel like my good enough isn't, well, enough. Something tells me I'm not the only one. Something tells me that there are way too many of us sitting at home telling ourselves that we've failed. That we've failed and we will never make it up.

The thing about this unspoken weariness and never-ending feeling of unworthiness? She has a companion, and her name is guilt. The problem we face with guilt is once it starts? It's like a tiny snowball gaining momentum down a hill. Guilt tends to slowly build up, but as it gains traction it gets larger and larger until it's out of control. For me this has a common result: I will find myself just sitting in space not doing anything because I haven't done anything. And then feel guilty about it, because that's what we do.

Here's where I'm wrong (and perhaps you?): Guilt is our own doing. Is it real? YES. But. We make our own lists of to-dos and, as a result, set ourselves up for success or failure. I don't know about you, but what if we nipped it in the bud? What if we woke up with one goal in mind, and that was to be good enough for this day?

I'm not saying settle for mediocrity, but rather know in your heart that you're doing today's best. Not only that, but know that today's best looks different from tomorrow's best. And sometimes your (self-determined) worst is Jennifer's best, whose is different from Karen's best.

Are you following me here? What a relief! The best part of sharing my heart is not just getting it out in the open, but knowing you're going through it, too. Power in numbers!

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I don't have any epic quotes or life-changing words of wisdom to share here, but what I do know is this: You're not alone. We're in it together. Even if you're tired and broken down, you have a sister here that is in it with you.

You're doing it, aren't you? You're getting through the tough ones, one day at a time, and you're doing it. Way to go, friend!


xoxo, k.