Week 4: God Does Not Resent You

God Does Not Resent You

The first time I read those words, they hit me over the head like a ton of bricks. And even though it was two weeks ago, they continue to resonate like a sounding gong over and over and over again.

God Does Not Resent You

The people pleaser that I am, I don't like making a stink about things, or really being much of a bother to anyone. Apparently this translates to all things divine as well. I'm a self-righteous God-pleaser, and I'd hate to bother Him for anything, really, so sometimes I just keep my brain quiet, as to not disturb Him in all of His business.

There was a time in my life that I don't like to think about. So many great things happened during that time, but one part of me kept my heart in a state of unrest: my ignoring the gentle tugs of the Lord's call. He would whisper, Come to me and I will give you peace, and I responded with the equivalent of sticking my fingers in my ears and singing, "LA LA LA LA" as loud as I could. I didn't want to hear about His mercy. His peace. His forgiveness. His redemption.

Why? It wasn't as if I didn't believe He was there. I am fortunate enough to have known about God's presence for most of my life. But the thoughts in my head sang the tune of, I'm just not that important. I don't want to be a bother. My troubles aren't big enough. Just little 'ol me. Nothing to see here.

It's funny, looking back on those few years of my life, and I'm able to see His hand in all of it. Without my asking, He placed me in the safety of His arms, saving me from myself and my self-destructive behavior. He knew how the story would twist and turn, with my eyes slowly changing direction and refocusing on His grace and forgiveness. Even though I blatantly and purposefully ignored Him while claiming just not wanting to be a bother, He actively pursued me and my heart. He slowly showed me what true acceptance of His love meant.

The thing about God? He doesn't care where you live, or what you've done. He actively seeks each of us as individuals. Despite war and famine and poverty, and all of the things that seem significantly more than little old you, He still cares. And He'll still pursue your heart. Because He wants you to pursue His. God shows us this perfect way to live, because he wants us to live in Him fully so we can show love and kindness to others despite their place in life.

Those years ago I think, despite my child-like response to His call, deep down I knew the Truth. I knew there was spiritual warfare taking place for my soul specifically. And He went (and goes) up to bat for me every. single. time. He let me fail, and learn, and grow. But He never left.

Because Christ always wins.

No matter your past. No matter your present. No matter your wrongs. No matter your actions. He does not resent you asking for help. He does not resent you for seeking His guidance. He does not resent you for constantly pleading for His hand in your life.

God wants you. All of you.

xoxo, k.


Today's post was inspired by the completion of my small group's study of Beth Moore's Children of the Day. Go read it. Right now. No compensations here, just spreading some good 'ole love.

Need some more inspiration this Monday? Head on over here to enjoy some other courageous writers!

http://www.blessedbutstressed.com/2015/01/26/follow-god-not-fellow-christians/

One Year Bible Week 1: A Personal Pity Party

Wow! One week of 2015 has gone by. As far as my one word for the year, connect, staying to my "Technology Hours" has been the most trying by far. It's amazing how often I find myself reaching for my phone or computer out of habit. While challenging, I am positive that I'm on the right track! I'll keep you posted.

In my one word connect I've also been challenged by one of my people to read the Bible in a year. To keep myself a bit more accountable, I'll try my best to pick a verse from the prior weeks' readings and reflect here, as well. Maybe I'll even turn it into a link-up at some point!

The Bible that was gifted to me is the New Living Translation, and is laid out with an excerpt from the Old Testament, the New Testament, Psalms, and Proverbs. A little something for everyone :) I love that it's laid out from day to day: no flipping around or checklists or keeping track of what I've done or what I need to do. Translation: no excuses for this momma! I hope in sharing my readings each week, I'm not only keeping myself accountable, but also show you that it can be done!

**
Week 1

Don't sin by letting anger control you.

Think about it overnight and remain silent.

Offer sacrifices in the right spirit,
and trust the Lord.

Psalm 4:4-5

When I was a little girl, I remember hearing the Old Testament stories about blood sacrifices and fasting. It all sounded so intense: blood and gore and starving themselves for days. Intimidating, really, to a young girl afraid of her own shadow. But as I grew, I understood that the blood sacrifices  were replaced by the one true sacrifice of Jesus' death on the cross. What I didn't get, and really didn't start to understand until recently, is the lesson in the need for daily sacrifices in our everyday lives.

Have you ever been asked to do something you didn't want to do? Recently, some things fell into my lap that I didn't feel were really my responsibility. I grumbled and groaned to myself about how it wasn't fair, and how it wasn't my job, and how I didn't want to have anything to do with the situation. I kept silent because I knew it was my own heart in the wrong, but I couldn't get past that deep dark feeling of a personal pity party.

Offer sacrifices in the right spirit. 

But what if? What if swallowing our pride and being the blessing to others is the point? What if the fasting and sacrifices are simply starving ourselves of pride and entitlement, and instead we adorn ourselves with humility and a giving spirit? These daily sacrifices we're called to do: they're simple on paper, but in reality, it can feel like death to put the needs of others in front of our own. But that's why it's a sacrifice: the sinful nature of us mere humans is to look to ourselves first, when in fact, God calls us to love our neighbors as ourselves.

Did I want to complete those tasks asked of me? No. But the more I meditated on these verses, the more I was able to see the blessing in my ability to complete them. I saw the burden lifted from a friend who was knee deep in responsibilities, fear, and inability to complete them herself. When our sacrifices come from the right places, blessings abound.

**

Hope you all have a great week! I don't know about y'all, but we're getting back into routine after two weeks of doing absolutely nothing. It's been grand, but I. Am. READY.

Happy Monday! Need some more inspiration to get you started off on the right foot? Head on over to Inspire Me Monday!

xoxo, k.

When Your Calling Isn't Saving All the Things in All the World

And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?

Esther 4:14b

Maybe it's the onslaught of commercials vying for my attention, or the never-ending post after post on my newsfeed of the needy in this world. Maybe it's just this way during Christmas because people feel a little deeper; they see the need and just have to do something. Because it's Christmas, and that's what you're supposed to do.

And then a conversation my core group had the other week in Community Bible Study really got me thinking about serving, our own ministries, and looking at the big picture. Especially in this Advent season as we wait for the arrival of the Messiah.

"I just feel like we're not doing enough during this Christmas season."

"My kids are too young to serve the poor. What can I teach them about giving?"

"We just don't have the money to give right now. I feel like I'm failing this year."

I think sometimes we see the big things others are called to do in this life, and then it gets so overwhelming, and so awe-inspiring, that we forget the little things. Is going to a far off country and ministering to the poor important? YES. It's amazing. And I would love, at some point in my life, to be able to do that thing. But. As a wise women once said,

"Your ministry is right between your own two feet."

-Jill Briscoe

Ministry doesn't always mean the big thing. It doesn't always mean traveling to far off places and discovering what true poverty looks like. True poverty is often right in our own backyards. And here's the kicker: you don't need a lot of money. You don't need a lot of time. You just need yourself, and a giving heart.

So we came up with some ideas. Child friendly, inexpensive ideas, to give in this holiday season, even when you feel like your little thing isn't as much as the big thing... You're wrong. Your little thing may be just the thing a person needs today...

* Hand out smiles. Be deliberate. Be genuinely happy. Look people in the eyes. Don't think it will make someone's day? Think again.

* Offer a hand. In the grocery store. At Wal-Mart. Push a grocery cart. Help put bags in the trunk. The biggest lesson Miss E has learned this year? The blessing of helping. She's seen the look on the woman's face when we offered to help her with her groceries, to push the cart back to the store for her. Blessing others is often a bigger blessing to the one who serves.

*Surprise gifts. A small gift card on someone's windshield. Baby wipes in the Target restroom (because haven't you been the mom with the explosive diaper and wipes are in the car, and not in your purse where they're supposed to be?!). A candy bar for the check out person. A compliment. Pay it forward in the drive-thru.

The list goes on and on. I think sometimes we just get stuck in our own busy and distracted places; it's hard to just look up and see the need immediately in front of us. What I do know? We have been placed in our current situations, neighborhoods, families, communities for such a time as this. Take advantage of it. Live it fully. Use the ministry that's been placed before you, and the blessings received will abound.

And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in very good work.
2 Corinthians 9:8

My biggest prayer for each of you, each and every day of this Advent season, is this: You're given the opportunity to serve, and to be served by others. That you see the smallest of needs set before you, and you don't remain silent. That you act upon these inklings of the Holy Spirt, and you abound in His blessings. His grace.

Peace and joy to you in this sweet Christmastime!

xoxo, k.

Perspective: Giving Thanks {Three}

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It started with Mr. C. I really hate to put blame on any one person, especially my son, but it's true: His inability to sleep got the ball rolling.

Just over two years ago, eight weeks into his little life, one thing became quite apparent: He was not a good sleeper. The less he slept, the more I felt the walls of our two bedroom duplex crowd around us. Poor Miss E dealt with the consequences of waking up every two or so hours each night very well, better than any two year old should be asked. But by the end of 2012, it was very clear that our current living situation would not work.

Or at least, that's what I had convinced myself to believe.

Over the next eight months, I obsessed over "the new house." Whatever that meant. In my mind, the notion of the new house solved all of my problems. Somehow I had been lured into the sentiment that, because we would be able to put the kiddos in separate rooms, I would get more sleep. Somehow giving the kids their own rooms morphed into more sleep for me, which meant more happiness for me, which meant I would have more energy to be the best mom ever, which meant I would be the best wife ever, which meant...

Do you see where I went there?

The thing about thankfulness, is that it often has no merit unless given the proper perspective. My perspective was so warped by the time we moved to the rental house in August of 2013, I had forgotten the original source of it all. Deep down (somewhere), I knew the real reasons for moving: so we could have a simpler life, so I could continue to stay home with the kids, to offer them the life that we wanted them to have. But the appreciation for what we had already had all but slipped through my well-rested fingers, and I felt lost.

Loss for friendships, loss for familiarity, loss for my true identity.

Slowly, but surely, I climbed my way out of the hole that I had dug. What helped me?

Thankfulness. In the every day, boring minutiae of the wash, rinse, repeat life I had come to know.

I miss my friends.
God, thank you for those enduring friendships. Thank you for the joy I had each time we were together, and thank you for giving me courage to meet new friends and pursue deep relationships. Because of those women, I know what true friendship is.

I'm lonely.
Thank you for my husband, Lord. Thank you for the comic relief he gives me every day, and the companionship You know I need. Thank you for the joy he gives to our family day in and day out.

Our house isn't what I want it to be.
Thank you for warmth, and a roof over our heads. Thank you for all of your provisions as our house was built. Thank you for a yard our children can safely play in. 

I miss being around adults during the day, and being the only one who can fulfill their needs just wears. me. down.
Thank you for a dedicated husband and the wonderful job he has so that I can stay home during these young years in our children's lives. 

Thank you, God,  for being the only One who can fulfill our needs. And not the needs we think we ought to have, but the needs you know we must have. Like joy. And peace. And contentment.

And you see what I did there? Perspective.

Feeling discontent? Find thanks in it. Even if it's small. Even if it's hard. You'll be amazed at the outcome, and I promise you this: you will find joy even in the smallest of things.

xoxo, k.

Hooking up with some amazing inspiration on this Monday! Head on over!

Giving Thanks {Two}

Yesterday, we went to church. We went to early mass so we could get some things done afterward, as the next few weeks bring with them house guests, birthdays, and the true kick-off to the Holiday Season (despite what the mall suggests to us): Thanksgiving.

We were home by 10 am, and the kids ran around Mr. Kuda while he completed some much needed yard and house work. I *finally* got around to tackling some piles in my office. I vacuumed, I dusted, all while listening to a book on tape and enjoyed some much needed solitude before the craziness of the next few weeks settle in. We planned an early Sunday dinner, and my mom came over. We ate. We relaxed on the couch, basking the ordinary-ness of it all.

Little fragments of thoughts tried to pry their way in to my mind: the decorations I want for my house, the dinner I want to host, the family we should plan. But I was able to keep those thoughts at bay. Because today, in all of its ordinary and normal? It was a great day. There were tantrums and "no!" There were unchecked items on my never endig to do list. But there were life breathed moments that, while ordinary, became extraordinary. Because they were ours.

Sometimes I get so busy trying to make the life I think I should have to be memorable, that I forget to be thankful for the beautiful life set directly in front of me.

Miss E took a nap yesterday. So when I went to do my final rounds before finding my own slumber, I wasn't surprised to hear her sing-songy voice as I approached her door. I can't really remember the specifics of our conversation, but I know she asked to play with my hair, and I know she told me she loved today because all of her family were in the same house. I held up my fingers to take a "memory picture" of her sweet face. When she asked why, I told her that I took a picture in my mind because I wanted to remember this moment with her sweet face forever.

She grinned.

You can do that?

You can do whatever you want with your memories, Em.

She smiled again.

Thankful. For the ordinarily extraordinary. For the normal and mundane. For the expected and routine. Thankful.

**

Sometimes we just get caught up in the details, yes? Regardless of our circumstances, we have so many sweet things to be thankful for. As you take time to look around, what are you thankful for this week?

Give thanks in everything, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:18

xoxo, k.

Hooking up with some amazing inspiration on this Monday! Head on over!

Giving Thanks {One}

It's November. And my head is spinning from a whirlwind of encouragement and love spread through the month of October. So much so, that I have no idea where to go from here! But I do know this: I will write. I will encourage. And I hope you'll continue with me on my journey.

I'm trying something new (for me) this month. Since I try to hook up with some inspiring folks on Mondays, I'm going to use this, the first day of the week, as a common theme throughout the month. I'll still post some crafty crafts from time to time, but I think it's clear that God's plan is not for me to glorify Him in that way!

This morning, as my brain lay empty in the vast wasteland that some people call "writer's block," I read a verse, and how fitting it was on this first Monday of November:

Everything is for your benefit, so that grace extended through more and more people, may cause thanksgiving to increase God's glory.

2 Corinthians 4:15

Wasn't that exactly what my 31 Days of Encouragement about? It's simple: the more you put in, the more you get out. The more grace extended, the more and more people receive.

Here's the thing about the enemy: He can't stand this. His sole purpose is to separate people. to find a fault then dig his heels deep so that the crevice of negativity, and destroy the power of relationships we have in one another.

How do we stop it?

We give thanks. Even in those who are driving us crazy and have weird personality ticks, we thank our sweet Lord for their presence in our lives. We find the good. We find the light. Darkness can't live in those places. When we seek just the smallest glimmer, the tiniest fractal of light, we defeat the enemy and grace carries on.

Happy Monday, friends!

xoxo, k.

Day 9: Pay It Forward

A couple of months ago, there was a story in the news about a record breaking "pay it forward" chain at a Starbucks drive through. The thought of paying it forward in that way, in actually paying for the person behind you had definitely crossed my mind before, but it was something that I was probably a bit too afraid to do. Too fearful of what others around might think of me if I stuck my neck out for my neighbor.

**

Background source

Even though I'm technically a full time stay at home mom right now, I still try to get a few hours when I can practicing as a Speech-Language Pathologist. This usually happens on the weekend, and as a means to get out of the house before the kids get up (which would invariably end up delaying my start to the day at least another hour), I tend to get up with the sun and get straight to work.

Fortunately for me, this often means I grab a nice hot chicken biscuit from my favorite drive-through on the way. Because why not?

One early Saturday morning in particular, there happened to be a line in the drive through despite it being 6:30 am.  Behind me was a couple in a minivan. They looked worn out, and something struck me so suddenly, I almost hit the car in front of me.

Pay for their breakfast.

I shook my head and tears immediately came to my eyes, because there was no reason for me to have this thought. It was so overwhelming and consuming that I actually feared looking in the rearview mirror; I thought for sure they knew what was going on in my car.

Pay for their breakfast.

Now, I had a five dollar bill, a handful of ones, and a bit of change in my car. Well, Lord, I thought, I'll ask, but there's no way I'll have enough cash on hand to pay for their meal. Even as I pulled up to the window, I had no doubt the cashier would either deny me or call me crazy. With that, I was convinced I wouldn't have enough cash, which would of course mean I would then have to drive away with my tail between my legs.

I will never forget the boy's face.  Blond hair, blue eyes. Smile broad across his face.

"Wait, you want to what?"

In disbelief that I had actually muttered the words aloud, I had to repeat them.

"I'd like to pay for their meal? The couple behind me? I'm not sure if I have enough, but I'd like to give you what I can."

He stared at me for what seemed like an eternity.

"Well, Ok. Wait. Hold on. You really want to pay for someone else? Are you sure? I can't believe this. I mean it's awesome. But I can't believe this. Hold on."

I wanted to take him by the shoulders, and say YES! PLEASE! YOU'RE KILLING ME! I AM SO FAR OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE I ACTUALLY FEEL LIKE I'M DYING. PLEASE!

But I didn't. Because that would have been off color and completely beside the point.

And then it hit me. The blessing wasn't just for the couple behind me, or even for me. This sweet boy. What if obeying God at His word changed the way this boy sees strangers and how he gives to others? He gave me the total with tears in his eyes.

"Eleven dollars and 97 cents."

I looked down. I had exact change.

**

Have you done this? Is this easy for you? That's amazing, and I pray for your courage and strength. But listen. A smile I can do. I can even offer a few words of encouragement. But to outwardly and forwardly offer someone something they didn't ask for? To anonymously bless someone out in public, without the computer screen shielding me from the needs of our brothers and sisters? That terrifies me. I have a feeling that some of you feel the same way. That you want to do the right thing, the righteous thing, but the act of putting your neck out there is utterly terrifying.

In Luke 6:38, Jesus tells us this: "Give, and it will be given to you; a good measure -- pressed down, shaken together, and running over -- will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you."

In other words, generosity multiplies generosity.

Encouragement and generosity aren't necessarily about an end goal, or a meeting one specific need. Sharing yourself, whether it's in the form of a random meal or sharing your heart with the stranger sitting next to you on the train, starts something. It starts something, and we're never sure of the end result because it continues to multiply over and over and over again.

Today? Start the trend. Make the first move. You never know where you'll end up, or who you'll meet along the way.

xoxo, k.

Need more inspiration today? Head on over to Inspire Me Mondays to get your fill!