Day 22: You Aren't Good Enough

As I continue to stare at the title of this post, I start to believe it. It becomes real for me, and then the seeds of doubt and inability and yuckiness of it all come together in this giant heap of a mess that is me, and the words jump at me, growing infinitely larger:

You Are Not Good Enough

We know about the beast of perfectionism, and how its goal is never-ending and, with that, never attainable. But this is something more. This is something that is spoon fed to us from the day of our birth. It's shown to us in news feeds of perfect families without a care in the world, it's shown to us in every commercial ever made, and it's even present in our daily interaction with teachers, friends, family.

I'm going to put this out there, just so you know how this story ends. You are, in fact, GOOD ENOUGH. Always. We've talked about perspective around this joint, and that, my friends, is what it comes down to. Even still, I think it's time we revisit how we view ourselves. If we can't change the perspective we have of ourselves, how can we embolden others around us?

When this is spoken to me, "Hey Kristin, next time you do this, do you mind doing y instead of x?" I hear instead, "Hey Kristin, you've done a horribly terrible job. Do you mind never trying to do anything of worth again? And in the meantime? Just know that everyone does a better job than you."

Wait, what? Maybe that's taking it to the extreme, but in this season of changing diapers and always being someone else's need, maybe I just feel like my good enough isn't, well, enough. Something tells me I'm not the only one. Something tells me that there are way too many of us sitting at home telling ourselves that we've failed. That we've failed and we will never make it up.

The thing about this unspoken weariness and never-ending feeling of unworthiness? She has a companion, and her name is guilt. The problem we face with guilt is once it starts? It's like a tiny snowball gaining momentum down a hill. Guilt tends to slowly build up, but as it gains traction it gets larger and larger until it's out of control. For me this has a common result: I will find myself just sitting in space not doing anything because I haven't done anything. And then feel guilty about it, because that's what we do.

Here's where I'm wrong (and perhaps you?): Guilt is our own doing. Is it real? YES. But. We make our own lists of to-dos and, as a result, set ourselves up for success or failure. I don't know about you, but what if we nipped it in the bud? What if we woke up with one goal in mind, and that was to be good enough for this day?

I'm not saying settle for mediocrity, but rather know in your heart that you're doing today's best. Not only that, but know that today's best looks different from tomorrow's best. And sometimes your (self-determined) worst is Jennifer's best, whose is different from Karen's best.

Are you following me here? What a relief! The best part of sharing my heart is not just getting it out in the open, but knowing you're going through it, too. Power in numbers!

background source
I don't have any epic quotes or life-changing words of wisdom to share here, but what I do know is this: You're not alone. We're in it together. Even if you're tired and broken down, you have a sister here that is in it with you.

You're doing it, aren't you? You're getting through the tough ones, one day at a time, and you're doing it. Way to go, friend!

xoxo, k.


Day 21: Your Time

Would you believe me if I told you that I didn't really get what it meant to be a mom until, like, two years in?

Which, because Miss E turns four in just a bit, means I'm batting at .500.

I'm going to let you in on a little secret of mine. For me, it may mean less sleep, and a whole lot more coffee, but it's what has gotten me from "Mom who is also Kristin" to "Kristin who is also Mom."

Alone time. 

That's it. It has been my saving grace, and restored my sanity more than once. Finding time to be myself has not only helped me be a better mom, but a better wife, friend and neighbor.

Why? Because when we lose ourselves, in whatever it is that we do every day, we lose the person God intended us to be. He didn't say, "Be a mom! And that's it! Nothing else!" He didn't say, "You are chosen to be a nurse, and now you must nurse, all day long, 24/7!"

And here's the kicker. When I was so focused solely on being a mom, I was showing my kids that it's all right to throw yourself into just one thing and never look up or even take a breath. What lesson does this teach them?

Being a mom (or whatever you happen to identify with at this current time) doesn't mean I'm only a mom, and using my quiet time each day has helped me to identify what it is I'm supposed to do other than mother.  God tells us to encourage one another and build each other up (1 Thessalonians 5:11), but we can't possibly do that until we are able to take a moment each day and see what He has in store for us.

How do we do that? I'm thrilled you asked!

Designate a time
It doesn't have to be the same time every day, nor does it need to be an hour, but in order to make something a habit, it helps to do it consistently, each and every day, for at least 5 minutes. Play with what works for you. My quiet time used to be in the middle of the afternoon, during naps. Now that the kiddos are a little older, that just doesn't work any more.

Designate a place
We have this wingback chair a few feet from the fire place, and it's my favorite nook in the house. It's cushy and cozy, and it helps me to get to a place I can relax and focus.

Designate a mindset
Before (and after) my alone time, I stop myself and take a few breaths. Even if I'm just reading a book or doing some journaling, I take some time to focus on the moment. Reflect on why you're there, what you're doing, and what you want out of your time, even if it's just a few moments out of your day.

Designate a purpose
I read the Bible. It centers me, encourages me, and shows me my path for the day. This may look different to you, but having a purpose in your alone time keeps you focused and consistent.

Designate accountability
Can't seem to make yourself keep to, well, yourself? Tell someone your goal. See if they'll do it with you. Nothing is more motivating than getting a text from my sweet friend at 6 am telling me what she's gotten from her quiet time that morning. Not only does it get me going, but it deepens our friendship.

Don't beat yourself up
Some days, I cannot. Get. Up. Like, at all. Because I'm a mom of two and a wife and a friend. Sometimes I stay up too late or the kiddos wake me up every hour, and I have to make a choice between sheer exhaustion and rest. Rest usually wins in this scenario.

What I do know is this: around two years ago, when I discovered that this quiet time was positively impacting my life on a daily basis, I found that I was able to demonstrate a more well-rounded version of myself. That is what I wanted for my kids.

background source
Why this? Why now, in this month of encouragement? If we don't take care of ourselves spiritually speaking, we cannot have continual presence as an encourager in this world. It is too much. In the land of Pinterest and Facebook, we simply will never be enough compared to the standards of this world.

Go. Go find your you time. Find yourself, where your identity lies, and you will begin to see the fruit of it as you impact others.

xoxo, k.


Day 20: The Overscheduled

As the clock pushed toward 8 pm, I felt the pressure mounting, and was sure my top would blow. It had been a relaxing weekend, but the hustle and bustle of get dressed, brush teeth, get them dressed, comb hair, eat breakfast, snacks, lunch, laundry, errands... It became too much. And here it was, 8 pm on a Sunday night, and I hadn't caught my breath since I woke up that morning.

Tears threatened to fall over the threshold, but somehow I kept them back, determined to finish my to do's and check lists. I sat at our family table and opened my planner, divvying up my next week into check marks and activities.

This is too much.

A thought popped into my head, and that's when the proverbial dam began to disintegrate. I forgot to call her. I promised I'd call, but that was two days ago, and I forgot. I am the worst.

I actually texted her and said those exact words: "I am so sorry I didn't call. I am the worst."

That one split hair of a second: that's how quickly the lies can seep in. Somehow we let ourselves go from being over-scheduled and too busy, to feeling like the worst. And that's what I felt. I had let her down, and in turn let myself down. And maybe let God down? Because I alone couldn't get it all done.

In my own failings, I had immediately gone to a place of fault and self-loathing. Is this you? After spending the weekend with a bunch of {wonderful} women who are hurting, I know I'm not the only one. Knowing this is comforting, but it took less than 24 hours for me to revert back to believing the lies we tell ourselves.

Over scheduling is my trigger. What's yours? The pessimistic friend? Gossip? Pinterest? We need to identify what provokes the lies in our hearts, our minds. And then we need to speak it. We need to open the means of communication, because the Enemy? He wants us to be isolated in our self-deprecation. He wants us to feel alone and unworthy of peace. Happiness. Joy. We need to be able to tap in and recognize these lies. Only then can we begin to reevaluate our priorities, develop a plan of attack, and ultimately, heal.
Today? I am starting anew. My to-do list continues on, but my priorities have changed. I am worthy of the tasks set before me, and when the details of my daily life get in the way of checking off all the boxes, I'll know that I'm not the only one. Care to join?


Need more inspiration today? Head on over to Inspire Me Mondays to get your fill!
Blog Template By Designer Blogs